It has been awhile since the last update and I keep promising myself to make time to write. I love to write, but I let other things get in the way of my passion. I allow myself to compromise and convince myself, "I will do it tomorrow". Tomorrow comes and there it goes and before you know it, it is weeks later and you feel like something is tearing you up inside that needs to come out. When that moment happens, I stop and listen to my soul.
Have you ever just stopped and listened? Doing it in a yoga class is not the same as just truly stopping and just listen. Silence fills the air and all things seem to just stop! In that moment, you open your ears, close your heart and wait. What am I waiting for? you ask. God! I know that He is in the stillness and I feel His presence, and then the words begin. They come flowing out of me and need the release. They need to be written, read and heard. It is not fair to hold these words in, for God is giving them to me to express so that maybe, if not just myself, they reach someone who also needs to read and hear them.
There are several definitions of the word compromise. When used as a noun it means an agreement. For example; The two sides came to a compromise over whether the town statue should remain or come down. When used as a verb it means to settle a dispute or concession. Example; The two parties after much compromising came to an agreement over the town statue. There is also a third meaning: To accept standards lower than acceptable. Example; She compromised her values, for she believed there was no alternative.
This is the compromise that I am facing. Approximately two months ago in May, I had met someone. In June I wrote about how we were learning to get to know each other day by day. We talked about Jesus and how important He is in our lives. I, also, disclosed how church is very very important to me, especially the two that I sing in. I revealed to him that I have become an Ordained Minister through the Universal Life Church and that I would be the officiant of my sister's upcoming wedding. Becoming a minister has made me look deeper into myself. Words and things that I would not have thought nothing at all to say or do, I now find myself working harder not to say or do them. However, I found myself compromising to keep him interested. Lowering my standards to maintain building his interest. He talked a very good game, spoke what I he believed I wanted to hear, but all along made me very uncomfortable and feeling that it was not right. Ignoring what we spoke about when we first began to know each other and wanting to take it in a different direction. Today, however, I did not compromise! I once again told him that I was uncomfortable with the direction he was taking and instead of wanting to talk to me about it, his response was: "I will let you go now, talk to you later." Hah!!!! There will be no talking because I am done compromising my beliefs! I am done compromising and lowering myself to standards that are not God's standards for my life. Jesus did not die for me to become someone's HOE. He died for me to save and purify my soul!!!
Now, do not misunderstand me, I enjoy sex, and that is a very important part to a strong binding and loving relationship, but I believe that there is a man out there that will understand my beliefs, respect my soul as I will his, and then the true and pure love will join us in a way that is electrifying and explosive. This man will not ask me to compromise where Jesus is leading me, but he will make me feel like a beautiful, vivacious woman, for he too will be being lead by Jesus and cherish his own self and soul too. Maybe he did not realize that he was making me feel like scum, maybe he did not recognize the hurt in me when he continued to disregard how I was being made to feel. Obviously he did not care to find out, either. However, it was in the quiet of my office after the conversation this morning that I stopped, and I listened and God said; "not him."
This pain too shall pass. One day, the one God intended will come into my life. God knows that I am now truly available. That I have released all that was holding me back keeping me from moving forward. One thing that I do know, I am happy! I have joy in my soul for every morning I wake up and Jesus is there. Every day as the challenges come and go, projects get completed at work and I drag myself to workout...Jesus is there! Making me stronger, healthier and teaching me patience.
There is no compromising when Jesus lives within you. You must die to the old you and allow the new you to shine. Lay down all your burdens and pick up the cross. Jesus lives within me, He guides my way and lights the path, there will be no compromising anymore!
So on that note, I made pasta for dinner tonight!
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| Whole wheat pasta with homemade marina sauce and meatballs with pan-roasted balsamic glazed green beans. |
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A glass of North Gate Vineyard Rhatsiteli wine to compliment the meal and candlelight.
Of course no fine meal is complete without dessert, which just happen to be a stuffed baked banana. What you ask is a stuffed baked banana? It is one of the most decadent healthy deserts you can make and not feel guilty about enjoying it. You take a banana (approximately 6 inch). With the peel intact, slice down the center and gently pull slightly apart. You then stuff the banana with whatever you like. Tonight, I did a s'more style banana. I had graham cracker crumbs (what you would use to make a pie crust or coating for chicken), chocolate chips, coconut and mini marshmallows with a few walnuts. wrap the banana in foil and bake on 350 for about 20 minutes. The cool thing is that you use small amounts of the ingredients, but get great big flavor. When you open it up, it is an ooeey gooey mess, but oh so good!
Now it is time for a nice cup of Breakfast in Paris lavender tea and off to a good night's rest.
Remember, when you walk with Jesus, you NEVER walk alone!
@Celtic Woman - You"ll Never Walk Alone February 2012 CelticWomanVevo
Until the next time:
Buonanotte!
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