Into the Unknown

Into the Unknown

   Another year is coming to an end, only 28 more days and the world will welcome in 2020.  A year ago at this very time I was in love and excited to begin building a new life and having strong arms to hold me and comfort me.  December 3, 2018, I was dreaming of the 2019 holidays with my new man, decorating the tree together and getting cozy on the couch, eating popcorn and watching holiday movies. Sadly it was not to be and here I am within the 2019 holiday season, alone. 

   I am not "alone," for I have my family and friends.  I have my loyal and loving canine daughter,  but I do not have that special someone to hold and cuddle.  To have intimate conversations and kisses.  To be physically held in arms that are loving and caring is what I miss the most.  In that way, I am alone. 

   Not having the dreams of what I had been dreaming in December of 2018 truly put a melancholy damper on my spirit as I began this holiday season.  Thanksgiving was spent with my sons, grandsons, their father and his new love along with her daughter.  I truly did enjoy myself, though the sadness was deep within.  As I reflected upon the relationship that began late 2018 and ended early 2019, I know exactly when things began changing.  What has pulled me through this year is knowing that God brings individuals into my life for a reason, a season and for a lifetime.  The gentleman that God brought into my life was for a reason.  Not for myself, but for him.  This gentleman had a very hard and troublesome life.  He had been dealt many a bad hand through his years that affected him deeply.  Through me, what I believe he learned is that God is a redeeming God.  That God's love is unconditional and forgiving.  As he told me stories of what he had been going and gone through, I could see how God brought him through and the individuals he used to guide him.  He began to seek God's Word and read the Bible.  He sought out different pastors and services online, I believe he began to see and feel God's love.  However, it is not always easy to accept the redeeming Grace of God and move forward.  Circumstances and the past can have a way of holding onto a person and it becomes the crutch that one leans and falls back upon.   By no choice of mine,  we drifted away from each other instead of drawing closer together and building the life we had spoke of.

   Shattered dreams can happen more than once in a lifetime.  My first shattered dream was when my father passed away and I knew that my sons would never have the chance to really know him.  My second shattered dream was when my second husband wanted out of our marriage and finding out that he had just planned to be with me long enough to make it look good for his citizenship.  The third shattered dream happened at the same time of my second divorce when my mother passed away. Needless to say, 2010 was a year of shattered dreams.  In the years 2013-2014,  I bounced in and out of empty and hollow relationships. October 2014, my best friend changed my life by encouraging me to go to college and earn my Bachelors.  Two years later, I purchased my own home and was building my financial stability.  Two years after that, I thought I found the man of my dreams and before 2019 had been in full swing....SHATTER!!! It was over and my heart hurt like it had not hurt in almost ten years.  This shattered dream came at a vulnerable time in my life and the result was that my financial life took the hit.  I began a lot of soul searching after I watched my financial life crumble.  By the time I realized what I was doing, it felt like this is it, I have messed up once again and there is no way out of it.  WRONG!!!!!  The soul searching began were I should have never left, with God.  Through listening to sermons, reading my daily devotions, being in God's Word, my heart was being cleansed and my soul renewed. Though I am walking in this valley, it is not were I will be come the end of 2020.  What can fall in a matter of moments, will take time, patience and trust in rebuilding.  I am hearing God's Words once again and hope fills my life.  By His Grace, I am healed and redeemed.  

   After experiencing the sadness that captured my heart, the holidays began from where I got my start.  To memories!  I baked my mom's Hermit cookies and poppy-seed cake.  Many years ago, she had found a recipe in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette for Kristmas Kruegal.  It is historically a Jewish noodle dish that an individual who had converted to Christianity, began making at the Christmas dinners.  The story and recipe were in the newspaper which my mother read daily and she decided to make it one Christmas and from then on it appeared at many of our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.  So it once again was on the Thanksgiving table.  As I prepared the dishes for dinner, my mind focused on my mom in the kitchen wearing her aprons.  Thoughts of my dad were there too.  Sitting at the head of the super long ugly light bluish wooden table that took up half the dining room into the living room for many years was the holiday table were we ate.  My grandma and Norpy (grandpap) Brinza, my aunts and uncles and all of the kids enjoying the holiday meals at our house.  Waking up to the smell of turkey cooking in the oven and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade before it was time to go and get ready for dinner.  I placed my heart in the memories of old to be open for the new memories to be made this year and beyond.

   The new memories began with watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with my grandsons, as I babysat the turkey cooking in Zach's oven that the temperature gauge was broken and so the oven heated up to 500 degrees even though it was set at 200.  Enjoying the time with family and friends.  It was truly a wonderful day and I was so tired by time I got home that bed was all I had time to think about. 

   Friday and Saturday was spent decorating my home, the home that God had blessed me with and He is sovereign over.  

      I have begun writing poetry once again.  Freeing my heart and soul has opened myself back up to the Creator who gives me words to write.  The first poem that I wrote was on the day my son had been baptized once again in his church to renew his spirit and life to Jesus.  Then I found a poem that had not been completed, and the words came flowing.
      The new Frozen II movie has a song in it about going Into the Unknown.  This is where I am heading.  I am allowing God to lead me and to cast fear and loneliness behind me.  For when Jesus is by my side, I am never alone.  I lost that when my world was shattered.  I drifted as on ocean waves, moving further and further away.  He is stronger than any ocean waves and when He knew I was ready to hear, He reeled me back in.  Into the unknown?  No, for it is written:
        "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”  Jeremiah 29:11-14

   Into the unknown is where I will go

   For with my God beside me

   I do not fear for I am not alone. 

Into the unknown is where He leads

For His strength

Will help me conquer and achieve.

Into the unknown is where my hope lies

For His love is deep within my heart

For that is where Jesus resides. 

So take me God

Into the unknown

Where I can learn Your lessons

As You continue to help me grow.

Written this day, December 3, 2019 

~~Darla E. Palombia

May God bring His wonderful Grace and Glorious Blessings to you and your family this holiday season and beyond; into the unknown!

Does God Hear Us?

           Do you ever wonder if God hears us?  Does He answer our prayers? Or you may just question,  "What was God thinking?"  

 

           Throughout my life, these questions did and still challenge me.  Especially the one about answering our prayers.  I always believe that God hears us and yes there have been times when I would hear myself talking to God and saying, "What were You thinking?"  Really though that particular question ends up being "what was I thinking?"  God wants good in our lives, but I am learning that when things go astray it is because I have gone off His path for me.  But answering our prayers is the biggest challenge that many struggle with, especially those who may not have a relationship with God or it is still a relationship in its infancy.  Even those who have a strong relationship will find themselves wondering if God heard them or why is He not answering.  As I, many of times wondered why He was not answering my prayers for situations that were happening within my life, my sons' lives and others I was praying for.  

           As I am giving over more of my life to Him, I realize that He is answering my prayers.  It is I, that may not be hearing the answers or I do not like the answer He is giving to me.  This past year, as my son was going through heartbreaking situations, I was continuously praying for him.  By appearances it would seem that God was not answering or not caring about the outcome, but halfway through this situation, I came to the realization that God was answering the prayers, just not in the immediate way that I wanted them answered.  This situation called for a strategy and a plan, which God was formulated and put into action, so in the end, the heartbreak was healed and my son's life is now on the path that God had planned for all along. Prayers were continuously being said over my son and his children by a church community, though small compared to others, is powerful in the faith of God. I watched as God's plan revealed itself and in the end, He triumphed. 

         God answers us, it is just that it is in His time and not ours.  Some answers are immediate. On Friday, July 12th, Lily and I were walking along the C&O Canal Towpath and butterflies were fluttering along our way, however they would not land so that I could take a picture.  This walk was also my daily Worship walk.  A Worship walk is one you take and focus on God, closing out all distractions.  To walk and listen, to open your heart, mind and soul to Him.  While, back to the butterflies, I realized that I became distracted by getting a picture that I lost focus on Him.  Once this realization hit me, I refocused and Lily and I continued our walk and I put my phone away.  I did send up a prayer asking God to PLEASE let one butterfly stay put so I could get a picture after the walk.  As Lily and I turned around on the trail to make our way back towards the car, it was if all the butterflies vanished.  The path was quiet and all was still.  I was focused on God!  As we drew closer to the car,  a woman whom had past us previously on a bicycle, was passing by us again.  She greeted us with "Have a nice day" which I responded back.  She suddenly stopped and called out to me and said that if I was looking to see butterflies that right under the bridge was a path that lead to the river and that there were a lot of yellow and black butterflies there.  I was elated and I thanked her.  Lily and I continued, found the path and proceeded down towards the river.  To my wonder, here is what awaited us:

      God had answered my prayer with not just one butterfly, but a small cluster of butterflies. I was so elated and thanking Jesus for answering my small request.  But God went one better, there upon a rock was a dragonfly just waiting to be photographed. 

      Many times God will answer our prayers immediately while other prayers that involve a plan, take time.  He always knows what is best for us and when our prayers align with His plans for our life, then the answer is always YES!  When the prayers are something that He knows will not be good for us or will actually hinder us and keep us from His plans, the answer will be NO.  When He says no, it is extremely clear that it is not going to happen. It is hard to explain how you know He is saying no, but you just know.  But there are those prayers that He says, MAYBE.  These are the prayers that He contemplates on how they can fit into His plan for you, but need some redirection or "tweaking" before fulfilling.  Many of times these are the prayers that you may have forgotten that you had asked for, and suddenly you have the deja vu moment and then it hits you, God just answered my prayer!  

       When talking to God and asking Him for something in your life, do not become discouraged.  For God always lets you know that He heard you.  Sometimes it could be a gentle warm breeze that suddenly you feel, or a bird singing a song but mostly it is the feeling of peace that comes over you.  You may not get an immediate answer, nor may it be the answer you want, but remember He knows truly what is best for you.  

      Lastly, when I find myself walking through challenges and storms, I no longer ask "why me?"  I now say,"Okay God, what do I need to learn or help me get back on Your path?" For once I open myself to His direction and teaching, then He makes the answers clear.  I have found that when God says No, He sends something so much better in place of what I was asking. He loves me unconditionally and wants to provide for me, so that means He will sometimes say Yes, sometimes say No and then other times say Maybe.  

      Remember that God, our Father, Jesus, our Saviour and the Holy Spirit our Guide is always listening, always answering and always Loving you!

 May your day be filled with Joy, Peace and Love

      

    

Unchained Melody!

A Love Story

          1954 Spring time had arrived in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  He stepped out of his car, with the stature of James Dean and dark wavy hair like Elvis Presley.  She stood there transfixed with her hair gently blowing in the breeze.  As she watched him approach her, she thought to herself, "He is the man for me!"

          They did not know each other, this was the very first time meeting.  The young woman worked with the man's sister as an usher at a movie theater and she kept telling her that she should meet her brother.  Little did his sister realize that this blind date would lead to many more, when only after three short, but very intense, weeks of dating, he asked her to marry him and she said "yes".  Neither could wait to be together as husband and wife, so they went to a Justice of Peace and took their vows.  Only 19 years of age, the young couple moved in with his mother and step-father in a house on Natchez Street, located in Mount Washington, Pennsylvania.  

          This young woman left the only home she knew in McKees Rocks, Pennsylania to move up onto Mount Washington and begin her new life with the man of her dreams.  He had a job working at J&L Steel, just one of the steel mills in the city.  Started as a laborer and worked his way up to a heavy machine operator, she became a house wife.  As the years went by, the young couple became a family, four girls and one boy and times were not always easy.  

       Though not wealthy in the monetary way, this man and woman had a wealth that went beyond money.  They had love!  Not just an ordinary love, they had AGAPE love.  The love that is the greatest of all love.  They would dance while he sang to her and their children would watch.  The children were always provided for, no birthdays were missed, a roof over their heads and food always on the table.  Holidays were celebrated, even when the father was laid off due slow times at the mill or honoring a union strike.  Always the family was taken care of, even if it meant that he would work two or three jobs to do so.  

      As the years past, the children grew and moved forward in their lives.  They married and through the marriages the family expanded to give this man and woman grandchildren.  Though still young themselves, the grandchildren brought them even more joy.  After 34 years working at J&L Steel, he retired.  Suddenly, the man who had left school in his senior to work to help provide for his mother and younger siblings and worked every day, was not quite sure what to do.  She was there to support him, to love him and even get upset with him for now being a slight disruption in her daily routines.  But they adjusted and then it happened!  He needed to have heart surgery.  Only 51 years old and he was going through something that he was terrified of, but he stayed strong because he had her by his side.  The surgery was successful and life resumed at the home on Natchez Street, until just a few short years later.  April 1990, he was back in the hospital, but he came home.   May 19, 1990, while the physical therapist was visiting the man, she asked him if he knew what the day was, he said "yes, it is our anniversary."  She then asked him, what was the best thing he ever did in his life, and he replied; "I married my wife."  Though weak and not one of us realizing that he was dying, the man's love and passion still burned for the woman that he had been married to for 36 years, one month later he was gone! 

      For 36 years, the beautiful young woman with long brown hair and the man of her dreams by her side, was now all alone.  Called home to Heaven at just 55 years old, he was gone.  The world stopped revolving, how was she to go on.  Go on she did, her strength came from the agape love he continued to send her.  One night when she was all alone, she asked him to be with her always and that very night a star that she had never seen in the sky, appeared.  The star remained there so that when she needed his reassurance, she could gaze upon the star and feel his love.  Eighteen years had gone by, she longed for him every one of those days and she would talk to him.  It was May 19, 2008 when He came to her and told her two more years.  But she was not quite certain what he meant.  Many thought she was just imagining this, it was all just a dream.   February 15, 2010, she joined him in Heaven, just days before her 75th birthday.  She had told me that he had been coming to her nightly and staying with her, what she did not tell me was that he was preparing her to join him.  

      You see Agape love is a love that has no bounds.  When you share this love with someone, they are always present with you.  When you need them, they feel it and call you.  When you are feeling low, they surprise you out of the blue with something special or take you out to dinner.  When you are together, you find yourselves in each others arms, dancing and singing.  This love is so intense and extremely rare.  

      This special love is how God loves us and how He wants us to love.  It is a "no holds bar" kind of love.  When Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love God above all things and then the second is to love each other as you would love yourself, He was talking about Agape love.  Love never ending and with no conditions.  Unconditional love, as He loves us, so we are to love.  

       To Samuel and Marlene Palombia, May you be dancing today as you celebrate 65 years together, and may he be singing the song above to you as he did here on earth.  
                                     I love and miss you more and more each day!

                                                       I do not own the rights to the song or video.

What is Love?

      What is love?  Do we truly understand the concept of love?  When we believe ourselves to be falling in love, the world is filled with rainbows, sunshine and lollipops!  The smile never leaves your face and thoughts of the one you have fallen for brings a warmth of joy throughout your body.  Then the euphoria ends.  Why?  Because the world intrudes and things begin to crumble. Again, Why?  I believe it is because every one of us has a different definition or understanding of love.  These definitions or understandings come from our past relationships.  Even the relationship that we witnessed between our parents, can affect how we believe love should be.  I grew up in a household that was not wealthy, but our parents provided for all our needs.  My mother and father loved each other deeply and passionately, that even when my father passed at the young age of 55, my mother remained in love with him until she passed 20 years later.  My mom and dad had Agape Love.  This is love at the highest level, a love rarely experienced by humans but what we are seeking.  Agape Love is the purest of all loves, it is completely unconditional, this is the love that is bestowed upon us from God. 

     How do we find Agape Love?  I pray and spend time with God in His Word.  1 Corinthians 13 is considered the chapter in the Bible that defines love.  I believe it defines Agape Love.  For it states; 

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  

Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-9

     My understanding of love, especially agape love, is that when you have found that special one that God brings into your life, you want to be able to spend time with them.  No matter how you spend that time, whether face-time, on the phone, texting, and actually being able to spend a few days with them.  To respond when they text me.  To comfort them and not hurt them.  To not make them feel guilty in any way, for love does not do that.  I watched my dad feel sadness when my mother went out of town for a retreat one weekend.  He was staring out the window and I asked him what was wrong, and he said "I miss my wife."  You see, my mother was use to my dad going on his hunting trips and other little excursions, but he, well he always knew that she was home waiting for him, and having her gone, well that was something he rarely experienced. I watched my mother bring my father his lunch and kiss him goodbye and tell him she loved him as he would go off to work.  The times that they would look at each other across the room and not see anyone else but each other.  Did they fight and have disagreements, absolutely.  However, he never gave her the silent treatment or just ignored her.  Sometimes they would just argue it out until the end, or I would hear his or her tone change to make him or her understand and then it would be over and they would just talk.  The ultimate expression of their love that one could feel and experience was when they danced together.  He would hold her as if she were the most precious gift that was in his arms.  They floated across the floor as one and she would cradle within his arms knowing she was protected from all the world.  Their love story was one that I chased after within my life.  I thought I had found it and I have two failed marriages that, though they were not the Agape Love, they were special loves were God helped to mold me and grow me.  After my second divorce, I sought after Agape Love, but it was in all the wrong places and with wrong men.  After a year of chasing after what I believed I needed to define my life, which was having a man in it and allowing myself to be treated with disrespect, I soon realized that this is not for me, but mostly this was not what God wanted for me.  For I found Agape Love, it was there all the time.  God was pouring His Agape Love over me every day and continues to do so.  Am I in love, yes!  I am in love with God, my father, Jesus, His son and the Holy Spirit. 

  This past month has not been a very good month for me.  I have been in pain and my heart was broken.  One friend, told me that I should not be wasting time feeling sorrow.  That hurt even more.  I believe that without allowing the heart to break and then asking Jesus to heal and mend it, then one remains in the brokenness and this allows the devil to enter in and take control.  For each day, Jesus makes me stronger and with Him, my heart is broken no longer.   

Gift Eternal

Originally written this day, Sunday, February 17, 2019

Updated on this day, Wednesday April 17, 2019

By: Darla E. Palombia

Emotionally scarred

My heart once again deeply bruised

I thought this time

Surely, I could not lose.

But once again

The interest faded away

The tone of his words

Began changing each day.

No response

As it happened once before.

My heart once opened

Begins to shut and lock its door.

Time heals a broken heart

Heard in the words of many a song.

But a heart that has been hurt too many times

Grows weary and forlorn.

For a moment in time

I allowed myself to fall (in love)

Not realizing that this would hurt

Like none other before.

Pain and sorrow

Now lives where joy once resided.

Tears flow

As realization is provided.

Trust destroyed

Not only in mankind

But in the Maker of this World

Whom I thought

Would never leave me behind.

But behind He left me.

Broken once again

Lost and abandoned

I believed He

Was my Forever Friend.

But deep in my heart, As He heals my pain, the Truth is revealed

God has not forsaken me,

As though the world would say.

For even in this pain

He is here, holding me in His arms,

Giving strength to face each day.

The devil will not

Deceive me into believing

That God left me on my own.

For this pain is just another

Challenge that I must face.

But I rest in the knowledge that God is here

And with Him, I will win the race.

For though I had given my heart

To one who now is not interested in the gift.

There will come the one,

Whom God will bring into my life

For he will be the one,

The gift of love to claim as his.

He will cherish it to the end of time

The flame of love will continue to burn

For God’s eternal gift

Together, our hearts will yearn.

For our two hearts will be joined

With Jesus in the center.

Love will grow and blossom

Forever and ever.

 May everyone be Blessed by God's Agape Love!

    

New Again!

   "Whatever happens, whatever you see, whatever your eyes tell you has become of me.  This is not, its not the end, for I am making all things new again!"  These words are sung by Brad Paisley along with Sara Evans on the album The Passion of the Christ.  (Song: New Again)

  Over two thousand years ago today, a man was stripped of His clothing and received a beating across His back.  This was not an ordinary beating with a leather strap, this was a beating with a cruel device that at the end of each strap was a talon that would rip the flesh open.  Over and over He received the blows and when this could not keep Him down, they put His robe upon the open wounds, placed a purple cloak around Him and placed a crown made from thorns upon His head.  They began to mock Him and hit the crown so that His blood streamed down His face.   Then laying the beam across His shoulders, took Him through the town to a hill known as "skull" hill, Golgotha or better known as Calvary.  

  There at 9 a.m., so it is told, He was nailed upon the beam that He struggled to carry, then the cross was raised with Him upon it.  Those who just five days before, welcomed Him into the city with palm and their own clothing laid before Him, now stood there mocking and despising Him.  For what?  What did this man do?  He loved us, not just those who were there, but those yet to be born.  He loved me!!!

   At 3 p.m. He cries out to His Father, asking why has He been forsaken.  He then states that He thirsts, upon taking the bitter wine offered to Him, He then states; "It is Finished," but was it?   His time on earth was finished, but the real battle was just beginning.  For once they laid Him in the grave, He went to war.  For three days, He fought for every human on the earth and He rose with victory in His hands. 
  Today, April 19, 2019, is Good Friday.  The morning was bright and the birds were singing.  I woke up at 7 a.m., drank what I like to refer to as "lemon-cinnamon" tea, read my devotionals and then went to work on the yards.  I mowed the backyard and then weed-wack until my string ran out...so annoying.  I planted my herbs that I bought yesterday.  Rosemary, thyme, tarragon, lavender, Thai basil and then I moved the herbs from last year to the new garden spot.  As I was completing the task, the clouds began to roll in and I felt a few drops of rain. I looked at the time, 8:50 a.m. Just ten minutes away from the time over two thousand years ago, He was being nailed on the cross. I prayed at that moment.  Prayed for that all would be forgiven.  Then I planted my butterfly bush.

Miss Violet

I finished up my yard work for the day for it was obvious that the weather was definitely changing.  The story reflects that at 9:00 a.m. on Friday of Passover week, as He was nailed to the cross, the skies became dark as night and at 3 p.m. when He took His final breath, the earth shook violently and the rains poured down.  Here we are in 2019, on Good Friday and we are experiencing torrential rains around the same time frame and will continue throughout the evening. There is even a tornado watch until midnight.

One has to wonder, if this weather is a reminder of what transpired over two thousand years ago, and wonder was His death worth it?  Social medias have paved the way for hatred and ugliness to be spread faster than ever before.  I do not believe that when created, this was the intention, but it is what has happened.  When He walked the earth, His message was clear, love God above all things and then love each other as you would love yourself.  But how many individuals look in the mirror and do not love what they see.  How often do they hear in their minds, that they are not worthy of love, that they are not worthy to have someone special in their lives, or that they are worthy enough to have someone spend time with them.  If one is unable to love themselves, then how can they love others?  How? By allowing God into their heart and letting Him love them.  Then we must begin loving on them, as God loves on us.  Being a shepherd for God is to seek out the lost and bring them back into the fold and to pour love onto them.  Show them they are worthy, spend time with them, provide for their needs. Cry with them and pray with them and continue to pray for them. When love is freely given, it grows.  Just as when a rock is dropped into the water, the circles continue to grow and grow until they are so massive it is hard to see them. That is how love grows with God as the center and we being the ripples around Him.  God, so loved us weak humans, that He gave His one and only son, to die on a cross, descend into hell and arise victorious with our freedom in His hands.  Jesus is the bridge to our Father.  He opened the way and created the path for He is the Way, the Truth and the Light.  All things are possible with Jesus, who is LOVE.  

 We should be combating all the negative and ugly social medias with LOVE.  When hatred and ugliness is on a person's site, hide it and then let them know privately that you are praying that love will prevail in their hearts and the ugliness will stop.  Promote positive and inspirational messages on your sites and do not fear if someone sends a nasty message...pray for them.  This day, over two thousand years ago was not in vain.  Take a stand for LOVE.  

Remember:  Whatever happens, He can change it by trusting in Him.  Whatever we see, We can change it by showing LOVE.  Whatever our eyes are telling us, pray that we view the situation with God's eyes and bring forth the positive.  This is not the end of the world or our country, because HE makes ALL things NEW AGAIN!

   May you find peace in the knowledge that He knew exactly what He was going to go through, and still went through it for you!!! 

 Love and Prayers for a blessed Good Friday!

 

 

Do You See It?

   Life takes many different turns, as you travel through your journey.  The Bible tells us throughout the old testament and new, to be prepared. But one may wonder, "what am I preparing for?"  Once again the answer is found in both the old and new testaments.  I like the way the new testament though puts it; we must be prepared for the return of the Bridegroom.  

   This world is an ever changing celestial planet, spinning in an orbit that, though science has explained it's version, which makes perfectly good sense, until you think of Pluto being the furthest away from the sun and still orbiting. 

   So, like the little planet (or not...scientists cannot seem to decide), I have my own little orbit here on earth.  Within this orbit, I choose whom I let into my life, how I conduct my life and how I project myself into the world; or so I thought.  When I was a teenager, I knew the Bridegroom, but I did not have a deep personal relationship with him.  Just like most Catholic teenagers, once I made my Confirmation, I quit going to church.  Yep, cold turkey, just stopped going.  I did return to church, but not for the right reasons, I returned because I got proposed to and I wanted to get married in the church.  I began going to the Catholic church that my soon-to-be husband attended with his parents.  We had only known each other three weeks and within six months planned a wedding.  As the day got closer, signs began to begin that kept me thinking that this is not the path that I am supposed to be taking.  I was convinced it was just cold feet, well others convinced me. On the day of the wedding, as I was walking down the aisle, I just kept thinking "WHAT AM I DOING?  I do not want to do this!!"  Well, as you figured out I went through with the wedding and remained in the marriage for 14 years.  We were blessed with two wonderful sons, and I could not be more thankful that I had them with him.  He is not only a great friend to me, but a terrific father.  However, a married couple we really were not too good at.  While we were married, I was slowly dying at no fault of his.  I just knew deep inside that he and I really were two very different individuals and that we more than likely did not really get married for the right reasons.  I never truly communicated correctly to him how I was feeling or how we were totally drifting away from each other and not towards each other.  I did not take care or even cared to take care of myself.  One may ask, "why did you stay so long?"

   Because of this moment.  The moment during the ceremony were I take a rose to the Blessed Mother and pray.  I prayed to Mary, asking for her to give me the strength to be a strong and loving mother like her when I had children.  Then my focus of my prayer was to Jesus.  Once again I was telling Him that I have no clue what I am doing or if I am even making the right decision.  As my heart was struggling it was at that exact moment that I spoke the words, I felt two arms encompass me and love flow through my body that I have never felt before.  I heard Him say, I got you.  So, as the years went by and I would think there is more than what my marriage was, I would think of this moment and continue forward.  Again I have to stress that the  marriage was not a bad marriage, we just really were two separate people and Jesus was not at the center.  His life was going one way, mine the other and I was developing a relationship with Jesus that began while we were living in Colorado and one night in a dream, I heard Him call my name.  He told me to COME.  Come to Him, grow closer to Him and trust in Him.   I went, slowly at first but every year I was drawing closer to Him and further away from the marriage.  It was in my second marriage, that the relationship with Jesus deepen and where the path took one of the most major turns onto the road that I am now traveling.  As the second marriage came to an end, my complete trust in God became my saving Grace.  I went through weeks wondering if I would have money to buy food, pay rent or my bills.  One time,  I did not have enough money to purchase milk, but as I was talking to Jesus while looking in my pantry, it was brought to my attention that I had Carnation Instant milk.  This provided several weeks to be able to make a gallon a milk.  Have to say that the instant milk actually tasted better than the "real" milk once I was buying it again.  Discovering joy in every moment, no matter if it is happy, sad, angry, confused or just mellow is what God was teaching me.  That when you ask, He will provide.  He makes the way and has dreams for me that are much grander than I could even phantom. Allowing oneself to discover Joy with God brings a peace into your life that you truly do not feel worthy of having.  

  The question: Did you see it?  Have you found it yet?  

   Since March 10th, my life took an unexpected turn, though the path was rocky and I was not ready, I accepted it and traveled forward.  I began to feel lost, forsaken by Jesus and wondering how I was going to handle this.  Then, one Sunday, while singing one of my favorite songs, a prayer warrior was summoned by God to pray for me.  While she prayed, He gave her a message for me...I am in CONTROL.  Bammmmmm....there it was.  The message that I had been praying for days upon days, asking to hear from Him.  What JOY filled my heart, but then just as quickly, the world came crashing in to try and steal my joy.  So two weeks after receiving the message, as I was driving towards my son's house, there in the sky was this beautiful cloud that looked like a white fluffy wave coming to shore.  However, it was after I took the picture, that I saw God's message...do you see it now?

     God sent me His heart to let me know that He is in control and He has me once again cradled in His arms.  There is nothing that I cannot do as long as I am with Him, He makes all things possible.  When I was unable to take my midterm due to individuals not fully knowing how to open it back up after the instructor gave permission...how this happened is a completely different story, but I learned to be much more careful with the program.  I, thanked God for not being able to take the midterm, for the zero I received and for the 15% hit on my grade that will happen.  I am finding Joy in my zero and working harder to make certain that I still pass with the A that I am shooting for...again, all things are possible with Jesus!!

  Soon comes the day, that we will be celebrating the Risen Christ, who died upon a cross so that we could be made worthy to share in His Joy, Mercy and Grace.  

I have chosen to surrender to the Risen Christ, the Bridegroom!  He is the one that every day I am preparing for. 

Remember:

 When things are happening in your life, remember to look beyond the situation, ask God what He is teaching you and you will find the joy! 

   

           Happy Easter Everyone!   He Is RISEN!!!

Spring Time Joy!

    Spring is a time of renewal, a time to shed the old and put on the new.  For a moment think of the many wonders that happen in spring.  New life comes in spring, from the birth of animals to flowers bursting forth from the ground.  The trees, once barren, begin to bud, some with flowers others with just leaves.  The robins return dancing upon the ground and splashing in bird baths.  Bears and other hibernating animals awake from their slumber.  The days are growing warmer and longer with sunshine filling the sky.  All around there is life anew, the dreary days of winter are finally coming to an end.  Easter also comes in springtime, yet for many, the significance of this special celebration is missed. 

    When I moved into the state of Virginia, I had heard about a place in Maryland called the Grotto of Lourdes.  It took several years before I ventured there and it first was a place that had beautiful gardens, statues of angels, Jesus, Mary and many other "Catholic" symbols.  I enjoyed visiting this place but it was not until my second divorce and the deepening journey with Jesus that the truth of this place "hit" me.  I no longer attend a Catholic church, for my relationship with Jesus has moved beyond the teachings of Catholicism.  It was my Catholic upbringing and involvement in the church that paved the foundation for my journey to begin.  When God removes you from one church, He guides you to the next one where He wants to meet you and develop you even more.  So, though I was no longer a Catholic when I began my yearly spring time pilgrimages to the Grotto, it was my deeper relationship with Jesus that I could experience Him in this place.  

     Beginning in 2010, every spring and fall I would journey up to the Grotto of Lourdes, located in Emmitsburg, Maryland.  The Grotto is part of the Mount St. Mary's University.  Over the years it has gone through development, but serenity and peace, I always find.  The pathway begins with the Stations of the Cross.  When you walk along the path and stop at each Station, you are transported into the journey from the courts to Calgary that Jesus took.  The Stations lead up to the Sanctuary, here is were masses are held during good weather but it is what is beyond the Sanctuary that I am drawn to.  I walk the narrow pathway and climb the stairs to be with my Savior.  With the woods all around and a gentle brook just a few feet away, I find my Joy.  There are stone benches for one to sit and be there at the foot of the cross and there is where I have left many of hurts, burdens, triumphs and tears.  To gaze upon my Savior's face, I find my Joy and feel His overwhelming love for me. 

   In my silent moments there with Jesus, I was given poems to write and yes I carry my pen and pad so that when He begins to give them to me, I am prepared.  

   I have been feeling something missing in my life and I as I was reflecting about spring it was then that I realized that I have not been on my pilgrimage for several years.   With this realization, I also realized that I have allowed many of my vital needs to be ignored and I am now determined to make the changes to bring back balance, serenity and peace back into my realm.  Jesus, is putting me back on the path that I slightly strayed.  I chose the wrong fork in the road, but He brought me to another and is showing me the right choice.  

   You may wonder why I stated that many miss the significance of Easter and that it happens in spring.  Spring is about being reborn, shedding the old skin and allowing the new skin to come forth.  To let go of the past, live in today and trust Him with your future.  Jesus, died upon the cross after going through a beating that no mortal could have survived.  He was mocked and crowned with thorns, which they then hit upon to cause more pain and blood to stream down His face.  He was burdened with the weight of the cross beam to carry through the streets of Jerusalem to the Calvary, were they nailed Him to the cross and hung Him to die a criminals death, one that He did not deserved, but chose so that today I could be reborn in Him.  His love for us was so strong, so unconditional that He went to the grave and into hell to defeat the devil once and for all.  He rolled the stone away, reborn to a new life that He freely offers to us, if we chose it.  I chose Jesus and the life He has dreamed and is creating for me.  Bullfrogs and Butterflies by Barry McGuire is a great spring time song and teaches about the story of being reborn and the JOY that is gained. 

    I am sharing one of the poems that He gave to me while I was sitting at the foot of the Cross.  

I Am Here.

I am here

Once again bringing you my burdens

Praying for guidance and strength

For I am so overwhelmed with sadness.

After the many rains

The water rushes down the stream

Eager to reach the river

Just as I am eager to fulfill my dreams.

But what seems like forever to me

Is a mere moment for You.

And I must wait and be patience

For to see the greatness that You will do.

Many of my days are lonely

Many nights I am alone.

With no one’s arms to hold me

The tears freely flow.

You capture each teardrop

Holding them close to Your heart.

As I lay trembling, You wrap Your arms around me

Holding me tightly through the night so dark.

The world will not let me go

I feel myself sinking deeper still.

Until my heart is pierced with the image

Of the cross upon the hill.

A place so long ago

Where God poured out His love.

When on the cross my sins were forgiven

By the death of His precious son.

When the pain is so heavy

To the cross is where I go.

To feel the comfort of the one

Who truly loves me so.

For each day He provides to me

Everything that I need to make it through.

His strength, love and forgiveness

Each day for me is always renewed.

Even though I am not worthy

Of the blood He did shed.

He reigns within my heart to keep me strong

For when the world is attacking my head.

May I be an instrument for you, Lord

Giving me the words to write.

Make them strong and worthy

To share Your glorious light.

May my hands be Yours

To help all those that I shall meet.

May I be given the strength to help them,

Lift them up onto their feet.

May my eyes see clearly

Past the surface of the skin.

And into the heart and soul

That lives deep within.

May my ears hear the sounds

Of the cries that are not heard.

So that when I am speaking to them

They hear Your love within my words.

My voice is Your instrument

To sing Your song of love.

Always in joyful, soulful praise

The gift of Your Glorious Son.

   Written this day; May 2, 2014

Grotto of Lourdes, Emmitsburg MD

By: Darla Palombia

 My prayer; 

      May God watch over you and protect you

    May He bring peace to those who are raging

    May He bring comfort to all those who are hurting

    May God heal our broken land and unify us

    So that His will be done! May we all become like the 

     Bullfrogs and the Butterflies.    

         Amen!